


line without a hook

by veryloudperson



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Drabbles, F/M, Fluff, Songfic, but i dont write the lyrics because you can figure it out, just me using ichiruki as therapy tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27835204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veryloudperson/pseuds/veryloudperson
Summary: i'm a wreck without youi need you here to stay
Relationships: Kuchiki Rukia/Kurosaki Ichigo
Kudos: 8





	line without a hook

**Author's Note:**

> i've been listening to line without a hook by ricky montgomery for MONTHS so i decided to write a fic based off the lyrics. you should probably listen to the song before you read and hopefully it will make sense? it skips around a lot and there's no linear timeline heh:)

Rukia knows that Ichigo's just a hormonal teenage boy, and his crush on her will pass eventually. After all, they barely know each other. He's obviously never had any experience with girls, and they spend a lot of time together. A lot. It's only natural that he stares at her for a little too long in class, and it's only natural that she pretends not to notice. He's a human, she's a Shinigami. She doesn't have time to care about his feelings when Soul Society could come after them at any moment.

So if there's one lonely night when she can't fall asleep, and he begrudgingly moves to make space on his bed, she doesn't care that he brushes her hair aside when he thinks she's sleeping. She doesn't give a damn. 

...

Ichigo sees Rukia eyeing the ice-skating rink, so of course he takes her. He invites all their friends because he knows if he took her alone, she'd smirk at him and ask if he was trying to take her on a date. What a pain.

But what surprises him the most is perfectly composed Rukia Kuchiki blushing at the edge of the rink. The same Rukia who kills Hollows without breaking a sweat and insulting him for being slow in the same breath, nervous because she can't ice-skate. He can't help but laugh.

"Whatever, I'll just go home. Idiot." she huffs, turning around.  
"Wait."  
"What?"  
"I can help you, you know."  
"How?"  
"You can hold my hand."

...

When Ichigo loses his powers, Rukia is honestly a little relieved. It's her fault that he became a Shinigami in the first place. He's better off living a normal life, he's better off without her. 

So, she doesn't visit. Call it superstition, but ever since she came into his life, tragedy after tragedy happened. Danger always lurks right around the corner, and he doesn't have any damn time to live.

She's like a bad luck charm.

She does see him once, though. He's telling Keigo that he doesn't miss her. That he's happy because he finally got the normal life he wanted.

Rukia smiles to herself, she's happy that he's finally free and away from her.

...

After Ichigo fights the Grand Fisher, he has scars all over his body. He imagines what his friends would think if they saw him in this condition. They would probably wince and look away, like everyone else does.

After his mom died, people would look at him with pity. They'd stare, and when he'd stare back, they'd look away nervously, unable to look him in the eye.

Eventually, he couldn't look himself in the eye either. 

"Ichigo, take your shirt off." Rukia comes into his room.  
"Why? Pervert."  
"I need to finish healing you."  
"No."  
"Idiot." She ignores his pleas, and takes his shirt off. She sees his scars, and he prepares himself to see her face fall. Surprisingly, she grins a little.  
"Why are you smiling at my injuries, you maniac?"  
"I'm just surprised you're still alive. You're a tough piece of shit."  
"You can still look at me the same even with all these scars?"  
"Everyone has scars, some just aren't visible." Rukia says quietly, healing him with her Kido.

...

Rukia stabs Ichigo for the second time, and he feels it all coming back to him. The sheer power coursing through his veins makes him giddy, and he's itching for a good fight. He looks over at Rukia and silently thanks her for everything. The rain has stopped again.

...

When Ichigo first learned what his name really meant (he really thought his dad just really liked strawberries), he immediately decided that the one thing he wanted to protect was his mom. He loved his dad and all, but he was a mama's boy through and through. When his sisters were born, he added more people to protect on his list, but his mom was still special to him.

But he couldn't protect her when it mattered the most, and he promptly decided his name was shit. Ichigo didn't have that one thing to protect anymore, he was useless.

Now there's a tiny Shinigami bleeding on the floor because she protected him, and he swears right there and then that he'd do anything to protect her back. Ichigo became Ichigo again.

...

"It's a curse." Rukia thinks. Giving Ichigo Shinigami powers is one of the biggest regrets in her life. Because of her, every damn Shinigami in the Seiretei is chasing him. Because of her, he might die. She's almost glad she can't feel the weight of her Zanpakuto at her hip anymore. The guilt would weight her down too much.

"It's a gift." Ichigo thinks. Rukia gave him the power to protect, and he owes her everything. Because of her, he can keep the people he loves alive. So the least he could do is save her ass from execution, and maybe take her to that stupid Chappy store she always talks about. He's glad he can feel the weight of his Zanpakuto at his hip. The pride he feels keeps him going.

...

After he loses her, his inner world turns into chaos. The buildings that almost touched the sky were now completely sumberged in an ocean. And it won't stop fucking raining.

Absentmindedly, he thinks she doesn't care. Her feelings for him could probably be condensed into a tiny puddle.

...

Rukia considers herself to be a tranquil person. Thanks to her nii-sama, she learned how to be patient and quiet. Never letting any emotion slip out.

But damn, that boy pushes all of her buttons. They argue over almost everything, and he never lets anything go without a fight. And Rukia hates losing. One of these days, she's sure her head is going to explode if he calls her a midget one more time.

However, she quickly learns anger and annoyance aren't the only emotions Ichigo can amplify. Every time that stupid boy pushes things too far, and ends up lying on the ground bleeding, she feels every bone in her body ache. It breaks her heart to see him broken, but she'll never show it.

...

Ichigo never tells her he loves her, she already knows. She doesn't have to tell him either, he knows. But he also knows that she doesn't want to love him. He knows that idiot thinks that he deserves better, that he deserves someone who's human, who's alive.

Ichigo's never wanted anyone except her, so it kills him to pretend that he does. 

When Inoue tells him that she loves him, it almost makes him happy. He just has to kill the small part of him that yearns for something else. Someone else.

...

"You look like an absolute wreck. You should get some sleep." Renji drops by her squad barracks, and she waves him off.  
"I have a lot of paperwork to do. I can't."  
"Ukitake-taichou said he doesn't mind if you take a break. We could even go to the hum-"  
"I said I'm fine, Renji. Just leave me alone." Rukia snaps, and he glances at her sadly before leaving her alone.

Being in Karakura town for so long made her neglect her duties as a Squad 13 member. She was working hard to compensate, especially now that she's a Lieutenant.

Besides, the only person she'd even consider listening to isn't a part of her life anymore.

...

"I need you here to stay." Ichigo almost says.

Isn't that why he went through all that shit to save her? To take her out of this stupid Soul Society and stick her back in his closet where she belongs?

But then she smiles, and he remembers why he wanted to protect her in the first place.

If Rukia's happy, that's enough of a reason to do anything.

...

The first time he sees Rukia cry, he swears he'll kill whoever made her that way. Then he finds out it's because of him, and wants to break every bone of his body.

...

He's getting slow, Rukia notes. It's not his fault. His power is disappearing, and she can't bring herself to tell him.

But then he apologizes for being a burden, and she wants to kill him for being so stupid.

He'll never be a burden to her. If anything, she was a burden to him. When she didn't have her powers, he took on all her Shinigami duties with ease, becoming more powerful than she could ever be. 

But they've always been a team. What one lacks, the other makes up for. If Ichigo's getting slower, Rukia will just speed up for him. And when Rukia was weak, he was her strength. That's just how they worked. 

He doesn't have to apologize for anything. It's her job to stand by his side when things get tough. They're nakama, after all.

...

"I love you."

Her face falls, and he wants to take it all back.

...

He's drowning in his world. He thought he finally had his powers back, his purpose for living. But Ginjo took it all away, and he can only feel water and see darkness.

Somehow, he sees a little light and a hand reaching for his.

Ichigo grabs on, and Rukia pulls him away from the tide.

...

"No."  
"Rukia, haven't we already established that I'm not meant for a normal life? I'm fucking miserable without you, and if you'd just-  
"I said no." 

She leaves before he can say another word. Saying yes would be a happiness she does not deserve.

...

Ichigo feels a little guilty for stealing Yoruichi's device-thingy, but he's not gonna deny that it's fun as hell to fly. The wind feels cool against his back, and he imagines Rukia's shocked face when she sees him flying down from the sky. It makes him smile.

...

Rukia almost has a heart attack when Renji says there's an unconfirmed report that a Shinigami with bright orange hair landed in Seireitei. She wants to kill him for disobeying her orders. Especially because there's no way he can save her.

But a tiny part of her hopes that he will.

...

"Do you still love her?" Orihime asks quietly.

It's late at night and they've just put Kazui to sleep. Ichigo's heart skips a beat before he remembers it's not supposed to.

"Of course not. Those were just stupid rumors made up in the past." he says without skipping a beat. Lying is as easy as breathing now.  
"Yes. It's in the past now." she says satisfied. She hugs him, and he doesn't turn to face her. He never does.

...

"I got it. I don't need help." Rukia huffs.  
"You've managed to poke everywhere except the actual hole. Gimme that." Ichigo takes the juice box from her hands and opens it for her. She reaches out for it, but he brings it up above his head where she can't reach.  
"Hey, don't drink that!"  
"You can't have it anymore." he teases.  
"You're right, I can't." Rukia smiles sadly up at him and walks back to the girls' spot for lunch. Ichigo never really understood what she meant.

...

"Man, Ichigo, you're a fucking train wreck." Keigo snorts, patting him on the back.  
"What are you talking about? My grades are great and I'm making a shit ton of money. I'm doing fantastic." Ichigo rolls his eyes.  
"When were you ever this selfish? The Ichigo I know would help people out without even thinking of asking for anything in return. Why do you even want money this bad?"  
"I'm just trying to help out at home more, just piss off." he grunts, and they walk quietly to the roof for lunch. 

"Do you miss her?"

"No."

He can't miss her. She would be mad at him if he did.

...

Ichigo collapses onto her, and she holds him with all her strength. She might not have her Shinigami powers, but this she can do.

"Thank you for staying alive." she whispers.

He's so heavy, Rukia's bones could almost break. But she's stronger than she looks. His job is to kill Hollows, her job is to save him. That's all.

...

He's tired. The exams at school were exceptionally hard, and all he wanted to do was rest. He hears Rukia's Hollow alarm go off and groans.

"I don't feel like going out to kill a Hollow right now. Besides, Ishida can take care of it."   
"It's your duty, Ichigo. You can't just skip out on it because you're lazy-"  
"You're such a damn pain. All day it's Shinigami this, Shinigami that. Do you even care about anything else."  
"So I'm just a burden to you? Is that what you're saying?"  
"Rukia, you know that's not what I meant."

She glares at him, and runs off to the Hollow's location. She doesn't come back all night, and Ichigo doesn't go after her.

...

Aizen's escaped and that will definitely be a problem later, but all is well in Ichigo's world. Rukia's safe and the rain has stopped.

...

Ichigo dreams about her a lot. Some of them are good, some of them are bed. Once, he dreamt that she didn't recognize him, and he chased her until she faded away into the nothingness. 

He can't remember her face anymore.

...

Rukia always watches. She doesn't talk to him, doesn't go in a gigai so he can see her. She just watches.

...

"Is it worth it?" Rukia whispers to herself when he's asleep. The problems in his life seem to multiply when she's around.

...

"Of course she's worth it!" Ichigo yells angrily.  
"Calm down, Kurosaki. I was merely asking why it is that you want her so badly." Urahara smirks suggestively.  
"You already know why." he says quietly, munching on a ricecake.

...

"Kurosaki-kun, are you sure it's worth it? Maybe Kuchiki-san is happy back in Soul Society. Isn't that where she belongs?" Orihime almost pleads him to stay.  
"She doesn't belong with those assholes." 

She belongs in the tiny space of his closet.

...

"What's your welationship with Itsygo?" the angry child clinging onto Ichigo says suspiciously.  
"Huh?" Rukia doesn't answer. Some things cannot be explained.

...

"What's your relationship with this Rukia?" Urahara asks curiously.  
"Why does it matter?"

Ichigo's pissed off that everyone always asks that. She's his nakama. They protect each other, simple as that.

...

"Do you like Kurosaki-kun?" the girls at school all ask, staring at her wide-eyed. Rukia spits out her juice.  
"He's just a friend." she smiles innocently at them.

There's absolutely nothing between them. That's just stupid.

...

First dance, second dance, third dance.

Her power...t's mesmerizing. He watches.

...

He's just a boy. How the hell did he escape from the binding spell she cast?

...

Rukia never needed him. Ichigo wishes she did.

...

"I see, Rukia. This child looks a lot like him." Byakuya says quietly.

Rukia looks at Ichigo lying on the floor bleeding, and she's reminded of a night that she wishes she could forget.

...

The world moves too fast without her. He can't keep up.

...

After the war, Rukia rushes to Ichigo's side, but then quickly stops herself.

He already has Orihime.

She knew this was going to happen from the beginning. So why does it still hurt?

He's fine without her. He doesn't need her to stay. Rukia was always just a burden.

She knows Ichigo's broken. War is like that. 

Rukia doesn't bother picking up the pieces anymore.


End file.
